When I was a kid I was convinced that I would grow up to be a veterinarian. See, unlike most five-year olds, when I wanted to succumb to my obsession of animals I wouldn’t go watch Clifford or Wonder Pets on PBS Kids. Instead I spent hours studying encyclopedias of dog breeds and watching videos about how to raise kittens. During some weekends I would beg my mom to take me to the local humane society so I could update a journal I kept with drawings and information about all my favorite dogs and cats there. Back then, it was perfectly normal to be obsessed with dogs. We were young and our exposure to much more fascinating subjects was limited. Fast forward ten years and people around me are laughing about the popular tv shows they watched or how they used to design clothes for their dolls. I can’t very well chime in, “I researched how to toilet train puppies!” without getting weird looks and undoubtedly facing judgement so instead I try to give people the impression I was interested in similar things they were when they were younger. Ultimately it saves me from hearing the incredulous tone in people’s voices as they try to come up with an appropriate response.
A part of my embarrassment by my childhood interest comes from the fact that it still has not completely faded. Most high schoolers have long since abandoned their childhood activities in favor of most “age appropriate” ones. The freckle-faced boy who used to build giant habitats for bugs is now into computer programming; the girl who could name every planet within an a zillion light-year radius spends her free time studying journalism now. And then there’s me. To recuperate from a long day at school I often come home to train my cat a new trick. Now, there are many things wrong with that, starting with the fact that who on earth even trains their cats? Besides me, I know no one because it’s just a useless thing to be doing with my time in terms of productivity. Additionally, there’s the fact that most people would go home and read a book or watch tv to wind down and in this society, being completely out of the ordinary isn’t always a great thing.
On top of that is the fact that I can’t actually explain my love for animals to people. There is literally no explanation I can really give as to why training a cat how to stand up on his hind legs is something people should spend their free time doing. And while I can say that animals make me happy and help me relax similar to how video games may make someone feel, that never seems to satisfy people. There’s always going to be that one person who questions me because I would choose to play fetch with a dog over watching Psych on Netflix. And I can’t explain how much my cat means to me because to do so would be to cause even more critique. I would get comments like “he’s too spoiled” or “you’re going to become a crazy cat lady” when in reality it’s not just a petty obsession. My family originally chose to adopt him to serve as an unofficial therapy cat for my sister after our family moved. Unfortunately for her, that didn’t work out as we had intended. Instead, Max became my close companion as I struggled to adjust to a new school as a transfer student and sit through long nights of family conflict. It got to the point where even my mom was telling me that I needed two legged friends (yes, I realize I could’ve gone looking for a chicken). But the thing was, at the time, spending time with Max was one of my only reassurances that something good had come out of moving. He helped ground me while everything around me was changing and was always there to greet me at the door after school even as people I used to know disappeared from my life.
So yes, I’m embarrassed about my childhood obsession with animals and even my current love for them, because it’s so different and hard to justify to people. On occasions it feels ridiculous, even to me, but it also makes me incredibly happy. I know that in my love for animals, I have found something comforting that has changed my life for the better and frankly, that’s always going to outweigh the embarrassment of being a being interested in something a little different.
